Surviving infidelity: A therapist's advice on rebuilding trust after cheating

Surviving infidelity: A therapist's advice on rebuilding trust after cheating

Infidelity may turn your world upside down, leaving you feeling hurt, betrayed, and confused. If you’re asking yourself, “How do I heal from being cheated on and lied to?” you’re not alone. Below, LifeStance Health has broken down actionable steps to help guide the healing journey.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s normal to feel a range of emotions after infidelity, such as:

• Anger
• Betrayal
• Grief
• Confusion
• Insecurity

Express your feelings and thoughts openly, but aim to do so without the destructiveness of rage. This can be particularly challenging if the discovery of infidelity was recent. Remember, anger, or even intense rage, is typically a secondary emotion that often masks deeper feelings such as hurt, sadness, or fear. Instead of expressing your anger destructively, try to explore and talk about these underlying emotions. By acknowledging and validating these deeper feelings, you may set the stage for genuine emotional healing.

Step 2: Heal as a Couple

In many cases, there are practical steps for couples to rebuild trust.

Discuss openly 
Understand and talk about why the infidelity occurred.

Practice empathy 
Listen without judgment, empathize, and validate each other’s feelings.

Spend quality time together 
Schedule meaningful activities such as:

• Regular date nights
• Cooking meals together
• Having dedicated time for emotional conversations

Step 3: Prioritize Individual Self-Care

While healing as a couple is important, often taking care of your individual emotional well-being is equally essential. For the partner who experienced betrayal, personal therapy may offer a supportive space to process difficult emotions, regain a sense of stability, and begin to rebuild confidence. Working with a therapist may help you explore healthy ways to manage feelings of anger, sadness, and insecurity.

Self-care also means recognizing when additional support is needed, such as exploring sex therapy if the infidelity has impacted intimacy. It’s about setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and making room for your own healing, even as you work toward rebuilding the relationship together. A strong foundation of personal well-being may strengthen the path to relational recovery.

• Seek professional counseling: Engage in therapy individually as well.
• Develop coping strategies: Learn healthy ways to manage difficult emotions with a therapist’s guidance.
• Address intimacy concerns: Consider sex therapy if the affair impacted your intimacy.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Be mindful to steer clear of these common pitfalls:

• Constantly blaming each other.
• Repeatedly revisiting the betrayal without progress.
• Making impulsive decisions about your relationship’s future.
• Avoiding professional support when needed.

How and Why Couples Counseling Is Valuable

Having a neutral party is essential for healing after infidelity because emotions often run high, and objectivity may be hard to maintain. While friends or family might offer comfort, their perspectives are usually influenced by loyalty or personal bias. This is why working with a licensed therapist is so important. A therapist aims to provide a nonjudgmental, balanced approach, focused solely on helping both partners heal.

In affair recovery, a therapist listens with empathy, validates each person’s experience, and helps navigate the deeper issues underlying the betrayal. Many couples find that guided support from a therapist can be helpful in rebuilding trust, especially when complex emotions and trust issues are at play. When both individuals are committed to growth, a neutral therapist may be instrumental in rebuilding the relationship with care and clarity.

This story was produced by LifeStance Health and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.