Tips on displaying confidence without the cringe
Confidence for young guys today is less about showing off and more about feeling comfortable being yourself. Sometimes, all it takes is the right mindset, a fresh scent and less overthinking. In this article, AXE, the deodorant brand for guys, asks Ben “Benny” Hart to unpack the confidence habits that work in real life..
A New York City-based multi-hyphenate entrepreneur, author, speaker and dating strategist known for his raw, humorous and no-nonsense take on both business and human connection, Hart has nearly one million followers across TikTok and Instagram. In this guide, Hart reveals how you can boost your confidence without feeling awkward.
Scroll through social media, listen to a podcast, or watch a few dating advice clips online, and you’ll see endless opinions about what it means to be confident. A lot of them still revolve around outdated concepts like being the “alpha male”—dominating conversations, or trying to impress others with status and success.
Today, people are more socially aware, more emotionally intelligent, and much more sensitive to authenticity. When someone tries too hard to perform confidence rather than actually embody it, most people can spot it immediately.
So what does real confidence look like? It’s quiet, steady and comes from being comfortable with yourself. If you strip away all the noise, confidence without the cringe comes down to a few core principles: self-awareness, authenticity, and listening.
Self-Awareness
Many people try to copy what they think confidence should look like. The most unattractive thing you could do is to try to be something you’re not.
Confidence can’t be copied. Real confidence starts with understanding who you are. What’s your personality? What are your strengths? And what are some areas you want to grow in? When you know who you are, you stop trying to perform and start working with what's already yours. The key is learning to lean into your own strengths instead of trying to manufacture someone else’s.
When this happens, you begin to trust yourself. That self-trust carries into dating and social situations. You make clearer decisions about who belongs in your life and when it’s time to walk away if the energy isn't reciprocated.
“The key is learning to lean into your own strengths instead of trying to manufacture someone else’s," Hart says.
Authenticity
If you struggle in dating or social environments, you might start to believe you need to act differently to be accepted. So, you adopt behaviors that look confident on the surface, like overasserting yourself or bragging about a promotion. Confidence that's built on performance eventually breaks down because it’s not rooted in anything real. The goal should be to build on internal traits that naturally produce confidence. Those traits come from growth, self-development, and real-life experience. You need to develop yourself so that you can be yourself.
“You need to develop yourself so that you can be yourself," Hart says.
When you start to overshare accolades, what car you drive or what kind of house you live in, you might think that this is going to get women more interested. But ironically, most women who are smart enough know you’re kind of bluffing.
Listening
Listening more than you speak is one of the most underrated confidence signals. The art of listening is an actual art, because it's not just about probing questions and trying to get deeper. It's about letting people talk and letting people disclose. A natural curiosity for the other person creates a dynamic where they become more interested in you as well.
The ability to listen, ask thoughtful questions, and let conversations unfold naturally signals confidence far better than trying to impress someone with a résumé of achievements.
What’s Influencing Your Confidence?
Social Media
Social media shows highlight reels of people’s lives. It shows curated moments, polished photos, and crafted narratives about success. But those moments represent a tiny fraction of reality. Sometimes, with all the things we experience and see, we hold people to crazy high-level standards and pedestalize things.
The people who appear confident online often have a lot of unseen experience behind the scenes. They have practiced speaking, networking, building businesses, or navigating social situations repeatedly. This is why comparing yourself to online personas can be misleading.
The Story You Tell Yourself
A lot of the awkwardness or anxiety you feel in social situations comes down to the story you are telling yourself. You might tell yourself that people are judging you, that you don't belong, or that you’re going to say the wrong thing. Those internal narratives shape how you behave, from your body language to your voice. It may make you avoid engaging with others.
That is why it is so important to know yourself. Maybe you're not the best storyteller, but you're great at starting conversations. Maybe you're not the person who dominates the room, but you're someone who listens and makes others feel comfortable. Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect at everything. It comes from recognizing your strengths and giving yourself permission to use them. When you start telling yourself a different story about who you are, your sense of self-worth begins to shift.
“Confidence comes from recognizing your strengths and giving yourself permission to use them," Hart says.
Questions To Ask Yourself To Start Building Confidence
1. What's influencing my decisions on a daily basis?
The content you consume, what you listen to, and what you surround yourself with all reinforce your mindset more than you think.
2. Am I surrounding myself with people I admire?
Being around a group that’s supportive matters. When the pack does well, all the individuals are lifted up.
3. Am I involved in something bigger than myself?
Confidence grows faster when you’re not doing life in isolation. Get involved in groups and communities to build a support system.
4. What subtle signals am I sending?
Pay attention to your posture. Make sure you're making eye contact in a relaxed way and speak clearly. These things can shift how others perceive you.
5. What first impression am I making?
Personal grooming, clothing, and your scent give people an impression of who you are before you say a word.
If there is one thing to remember, it’s that confidence rarely appears all at once. It grows through small moments, small shifts in thinking, and small actions taken over time. You don't need a persona. You don't need a script. You need self-awareness, a genuine interest in the people around you, and the willingness to keep building yourself even when it's uncomfortable.
This story was produced by AXE and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
